It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
