You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
