I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
