mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
