i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
