So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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