Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
