I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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