i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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