some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
