guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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