I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
