just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
