Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
