What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
