Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
