i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
