I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
