I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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