We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
