Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
And then he peed in my hair
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