Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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