Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
