grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
