He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
