pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
