worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
