so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
