Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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