I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
