Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
