If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
