i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
