Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
