it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
