You just made me feel so damn special
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
