so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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