I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
