and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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