i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
