Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
