I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
