Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
