I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
