I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
