I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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