pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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