we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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