shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
