so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i out mim tonsoeep
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