I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
