with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
