May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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