this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
