Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
