Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
