don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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